Random Memories

1. Sometimes, in the moment before I fall asleep, I am thinking about why we didn't work out. I am remembering about the pain when I started to realize that you already had someone in mind so you frequently traveled to out of town. You wouldn't answer whenever I asked with whom you were accompanied. I remembered the pain when you took another direction so I had to come back home by myself. The air was so cold and I felt so lonely. I knew you didn't mean to hurt but I couldn't hold back the tears.

I thought I found my own man because you were so gentle and I have never been taken care of so well. And it was so hard to let go.

2. I admit. I am not a psychologist although I've passed four years in psychology major. I'm a writer, a lifestyle magazine journalist. I have sympathy, empathy, or patient just like average people. I don't have any extra time and skill to treat someone--you know--like you and make an exception to your goddamn past. I am not Freud! I won't sit on a chair to see you talking cure on a couch, to hear your complicated mind or how pitiful you are.

3. You can't prevent the society to not to be cruel. But you can teach your kids how to be tough and convince them that it's okay to be unique and different. I wish my mom did that. It makes me want to cover her flaws by treat my kids right.

4. Once I asked God to give me a man with modest heart. But I forgot I didn't ask God to give me a man with modest mind. Damn, this guy is unusual and complicated. Flocked together.


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